Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
