Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
