if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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