I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
