Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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