Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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