Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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