I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
