thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
