Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
