I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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