I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We got so high we made milksteak
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
