I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
