Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
