I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
