I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
