I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
