hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You made out with two different species that night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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