Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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