White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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