We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I believe in your delicious
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
