Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i may or may not be watching the land before time
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
