It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
