I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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