I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
