do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
