shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
