i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
