I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
