I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
