Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
