Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
