Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
