I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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