hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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