I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
