Please, let me fuck your mom
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
