She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
