So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
