The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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