About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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