What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
