mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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