gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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