Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
