Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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