Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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