if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
