Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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