sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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