I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You've changed since you got that strap on
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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