i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
