Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
