its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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